Merry Christmas! Happy Hannukah! Joyous Kwaanza!

Ho, ho, ho!


I'm hitting the road later today for my own happy happy. I hope your coming days are full of family, friends, food, and fun (made that alliteration without trying!) -- I know mine will be.

If not now, when?

Just an observation:

It's December 20. Only today and four more shopping days until the big day.

My new SuperWalMart has 30 checkout lanes.

When I stopped by to pick up my pictures, six were open. I waited in line for 20 minutes.

Four and a half shopping days until Christmas. What exactly are the other 24 lanes for?

Actual Blogger Verification Word

I think I used to have one of these:

zzhusbn

Woman Versus Nature

Two days ago, I sorted a pile of laundry but left it on the floor overnight. Yesterday I gathered it up to wash it, and as I threw the clothes in the machine, a small green lizard jumped out…and into the washer. For those of you who don’t live in Florida, these lizards run about 5 inches long…and run around everywhere. This one is smaller than that, so it’s probably a lizard-teen.

I promptly pulled out the clothes and tried to catch the lizard, but it hid under the agitator. I decided that I didn’t need those clothes washed all that badly, so I gave up for the day.

Today doing the laundry is more urgent. I hoped that somehow the little thing had climbed out, but when I peeked in the machine, I saw its tail sticking out from under the agitator ever so slightly. (When it jumped in the machine yesterday, its tail was a stub, so it must have regenerated it in the meantime.) I tried filling the washer with water just a little, just barely above the point where the agitator’s base fans out, hoping that it would come out from under and perch on the dry agitator as if it were a desert island. No such luck. I kept checking back ever so often. No lizard.

I figured that it either found a way out under the agitator or I was just going to have to proceed with the laundry, although I didn’t want to agitate the lizard around in clothing and suds. I mean, I have to wear these clothes. Finally, in desperation but also hoping that it really was out, I put the washer through a rinse and spin cycle. I felt like a lizard murderer, but truly, I don’t have time for the laundromat right now!

I know what you’re thinking: only a woman or a liberal would worry about this. So?

Finally I got up the guts to look in the washer, and there it was, its limp little body at the bottom of the machine. I couldn’t deal with its corpse just then, so I went back to the school work. After a while, I decided that this was silly, that I needed to get the clothes washed. So I wadded up a paper towel, determined to get rid of the evidence of my crime.

As I brushed it with the paper towel, it twitched.

I ran that little guy through five or six minutes of agitation and a ten-minute centrifuge, and it twitched.

I brushed it with the paper towel again and it ran under the agitator.

Damn!

It finally occurred to me that if I bundled the clothes back in the washer, it might climb into them again, and then I could scoop lizard and clothes out later. This is, after all, how the whole adventure started.

The dry clothes are now in the washer. Wish me luck!

Packing for Guantanamo...

I found this quiz at Dr. Bitch's place. I'm not as smart as she is; all I got was a 96.

Your 'Do You Want the Terrorists to Win' Score: 96%

You are a terrorist-loving, Bush-bashing, "blame America first"-crowd traitor. You are in league with evil-doers who hate our freedoms. By all counts you are a liberal, and as such cleary desire the terrorists to succeed and impose their harsh theocratic restrictions on us all. You are fit to be hung for treason! Luckily George Bush is tapping your internet connection and is now aware of your thought-crime. Have a nice day.... in Guantanamo!

Do You Want the Terrorists to Win?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I thought it was a ploy to start identifying all us libbrals so they can get a headcount and ready the prison cells. Guess I was right, because the quiz is followed by this statement:

I'm glad you took this quiz. If it came out that you are an America-hating scumbag, the authorities are probably already on to you. Hopefully you are actually a pro-war Republican patriot, and if so, please cast a vote in November in support of George W. Bush. The liberal forces are plotting against him and we'll need you to help ensure his winning policies remain unchanged for years to come!

It could be farce, but I can't tell because I'm a woman and have no sense of humor.